


Don't Belong

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks/Callen [16]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Kissing, Lost Deeks, M/M, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: Deeks has always felt torn. Kensi or Callen. LAPD or NCIS. He talks through everything with Kensi hoping the answers will fall in place easily.
Relationships: Almost Marty Deeks/Kensi Blye, G Callen/Marty Deeks
Series: Deeks/Callen [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/800163
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Don't Belong

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked for a bit of Kensi and Deeks friendship and this is what happened. I really had no idea where this came from, but I can't say I'm mad about it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Letting out a jaw breaking yawn Deeks placed his hands on the desk in front of him and leaned back as far as he could. His spine popped in a few places drawing a loud groan from him. He always forgot how good it felt to be able to stretch after spending most of the day bent over a desk reading file after file looking for answers to questions he didn't even have.

The case they had been assigned that morning was one of the harder ones. Well, maybe it was a hard one. They didn't really have anything to go off of to say whether or not the case was going to hard. They could barely say they had a case at all.

That was always hardest part for him. He hadn't realized just how much waiting there would be when he joined. He had thought he'd be out doing something. Instead it felt like he had nothing to do but wait for something to be found that pointed them in the right direction. Or any direction.

Which meant spending a lot of time bent over paperwork digging for anything. When it became clear that was what they would have to do they had decided to break up what little they had so everyone had something to do without overwhelming them.

Something that all of them enjoyed. Even if at the same time it was so dull and painful looking at the same thing after awhile. Though he wasn't sure if the fact that they were reading the same thing on repeat or the position they were in. Given everyone else had taken a break they apparently agreed.

Kensi had been the first of them to break. After the first couple of hours she pushed away from her desk saying that she was too hungry to focus. Everyone could see through it, but she offered to pay for lunch so they didn't question it.

Callen and Sam had been next. Well, Callen had said something about needing to move before he went insane. He had said that he felt like he wanted to workout and asked both Sam and Deeks himself to join him.

Despite the fact that Deeks wanted nothing more than to get up and move he shook his head saying he thought he was onto something. It was a lie, but he didn't want think about the reasoning behind that. Sam, on the other hand, had quickly agreed and joined him in the gym.

A small part of him was glad that he was alone. Not that it really mattered. It wasn't as if they had been talking while they worked anyway. Not being around other people for awhile felt more relaxing than it had any right to.

A sigh fell from his lips as he ran a hand through his hair letting his mind zone out for a moment. Almost instantly his mind went to the older men in the gym. He kind of wished that he had been the one that came up with the idea first. If only because they probably wouldn't have joined him.

Alright so he knew he was being a little ridiculous about the whole thing. It wasn't that he was self-conscious of how he looked or how strong he was. He wasn't weak by any means and he had proven that more than once.

That was exactly how he felt around the agents more often than not. He couldn't help but wonder if it was something they did it on purpose. It wasn't as if it was a highly kept secret that they still had issues with him being there.

It had been a little over a year since he had joined the team and it was a slow process. More often than not he felt as if he was still an outsider looking in. Not that he was unused to feeling that way. He just hoped it would be different.

At least he sort of felt that way. While Callen and Sam had a tendency to make him feel like he shouldn't be there at all Kensi and Eric were the opposite. It was a delicate balance between them that he sometimes wondered if it was worth it. Still he kind of loved them.

He and Eric had a lot of things in common so they had become fast friends. If he was truthful the tech had been the first friend that he had made in a long time. He might be good with people, but he rarely actually let himself get close to any of them if he could help it.

Than there was Kensi. Being partners with her was actually a lot of fun. They got along fairly well for the most part and he loved having someone that kept up with him when he felt snarky. Something that she was very good at. Mostly. Those conversations were some of his absolute favorites.

Those two made being there worth everything. The friendship from Eric was something that he could never regret. It was like having a little brother. He used to dream about that when he was younger. Before he knew better.

And whatever it was he had with his partner. Sometimes it was like she was his best friend while other he felt something stronger. There were even times when he was positive that she felt the same way about him. It was a weird relationship, but he had to admit that he liked it.

Callen and Sam were a different story. While he did respect the both of them a lot he never felt like that was returned. He was the butt of the joke while they… He didn't know exactly what it was they tried to do with him, but he never felt good afterward.

Sam was the one that was very clearly not pleased with him. He rarely showed it while they were out on the field, because that would be unprofessional, but it was clear how he felt. A part of Deeks wanted nothing more than to try to be what the man wanted, but he knew better.

The mans standards were too high for anyone that wasn't as trained as him. He set up rules that he expected others to follow without ever saying what they were. Alright so it didn't help that he'd rather spend his time making the people around him laugh by being a dork. Sue him for liking to make someone feel better.

That left Callen. Out of everyone on the team he was the most confused by the team leader. Sometimes it felt like the man hated him as much as his partner did. Not that it was really all that shocking. They wouldn't have made it as long as partners if they didn't have similar thoughts.

At the same time though there was something about him that drew Deeks in. He wanted nothing more than to try to get closer to him. It was similar to the feeling that he had around Kensi, but there was something else too. Something that he couldn't explain.

None of it made any sense and he hated it. It wasn't as if his normal life made all that much sense in the first place, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. Couldn't he catch a little bit of a break at some point in time?

"Falling asleep over there, Deeks?" Kensi asked walking into the bullpen her arms full.

"I wish," he replied moving so he was at her desk, "What took you so long?"

"They had to redo the fries."

"Try to give you soggy ones again?"

"They tried."

A pleased smirk came to her lips as she offered him a bag. Smiling happily he grabbed the food before blowing her a kiss making her roll her eyes. He really did love getting that reaction from her. Given the fact that she had an amused smile playing on her lips as well he guessed she agreed.

"Where are Sam and Callen?" she asked placing everyone's food on their desks.

"In the gym," he offered falling into his chair.

"Go get them for me."

Hearing the request/order Deeks felt himself freeze for a moment. His thoughts were too close to the surface for him to hide his reaction. He tried to move himself a second later acting as if nothing had happened, but he didn't get far before Kensi was resting her hands on his desk.

"Deeks?" she questioned softly.

"Kensi," he replied still trying to pretend.

"I know something's going on. You might as well just tell me now."

For a moment Deeks wanted to keep up the charade. She wouldn't fall for it, but if he faked it for long enough she'd drop the subject. At least for awhile. Maybe he'd be able to think of a convincing lie or two. Anything to make it so he didn't have to face what he was thinking just yet.

"Deeks," Kensi repeated crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's nothing," he smiled up at her.

"Are we really doing this? Really?"

"Doing what?" Callen suddenly asked.

Before he could stop himself Deeks tensed up once more. An almost pained noise fell from Kensi and he knew that she had some idea what he was thinking. All hope that he had of keeping his thoughts to himself was thrown away at that noise. She wouldn't let it go until she had answers.

"Nothing," Kensi replied with a shake of her head before turning her attention to the new arrives, "Did you guys find anything while I was gone?"

"Not yet," Callen sighed falling into his chair, "Unless whatever you thought you saw turned into something, Deeks."

"No," Deeks offered pushing some of the papers around his desk, "It wasn't anything. I think the words were started to blend together."

As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to take them back. Despite the fact that they had all been doing the same thing for the last few hours he didn't want them to think he was being weak. Even in his own mind it didn't make sense, but that was fairly normal.

Anyway, it wasn't like they were the ones that needed to prove something. They all had earned their spots on the team a long time ago. He was still trying to do that. Hell, he was still working for LAPD. It wasn't like they thought he belonged there either.

"Have you taken a break yet?" Kensi asked suddenly spinning around to glare at him before turning to Sam and Callen, "Has he taken a break yet?"

"We're not his keepers, Kens," Callen chucked pulling his food out of his bag.

"Yeah, he's a grown man," Sam offered with a shrug, "He can take a break all on his own."

Deeks had to force himself to laugh along with the men. It wasn't that he disagreed with them. If he had really wanted to take a break at any point in time he could have. That wasn't the issue that came to him.

It was the fact that they dismissed it without a thought. Maybe it was stupid of him, but shouldn't the fact that he might be overworking himself matter to the rest of the team? Or was he just thinking about it too much?

That had been something he'd been accused of in the past. While he was good with people and could understand them easily he had trouble with himself sometimes. Especially when he was trying to figure out if he was where he needed to be.

"Come on," Kensi ordered with a roll of her eyes.

"What?" Deeks asked though he was already standing up to follow her.

"You and I are going to the park to eat."

"What about us?" Callen asked a smirk tugging on his lips.

"You're not invited."

Smiling he offered his arm to his partner only to have her playfully punch it before walking out of the bullpen. Following her out of the building he forced the smile to stay on his face though he was wishing he could have blown her off. He should have known that she would pull something like this.

As he felt the car start he did his best not to show how nervous he felt. He was almost positive that his heart was trying to find a way to pound out of his chest. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to throw open the door and run.

Instead he turned so he was leaning against the door his eyes darting over his friend. She looked lost in a way that he couldn't understand. While he knew that the whole situation probably wasn't what she thought she'd be doing that day he hadn't thought it would mean that much to her.

"Where are we going exactly?" Deeks found himself asking though he didn't really care about the answer.

"I don't really know," Kensi replied with a shrug, "Somewhere we can be alone and talk. I guess."

"Really? Can't we just get this over with?"

"Fine. You want to explain what the hell just happened?"

"I can't even explain it to myself."

Sighing he ran a hand over his face trying to wipe away the exhaustion he suddenly felt. He wanted the whole conversation over and it hadn't even truly begun. He knew that wasn't going to happen though. Kensi wasn't going to give up until she had some answers. It was doubtful she was going to like them though.

"I don't know where I stand," Deeks slowly admitted his eyes falling closed so he wasn't looking at her

"What?" Kensi questioned as the car came to a stop and the engine cut off, "Where you stand with what?"

"The team. I don't know where I stand with the team."

The air in the car grew heavy as the words he had tried to keep to himself were finally said out loud. As soon as he thought them he wanted to keep them hidden from the team. He knew that no good could come from telling them what he was feeling.

Yet he had told Kensi. There was a small part of him that hated her for that. She got under his skin so quickly that he hadn't even realized what was going on until it was too late and she was already in his heart. No one had ever been able to do that to him before.

At the same time he loved every second of it. Knowing that there was someone that could see him even when he was trying not to be seen was a feeling he'd never thought he'd know. Having her in his life was one of the best things that ever happened to him.

Swallowing roughly Deeks leaned forward his hand coming up to rest on her cheek. He felt more than heart a shaky breath leave her as she started to lean forward herself. They moved closer and closer to each other until he could feel her breath against his lips. Then she pulled back.

"We can't," Kensi shook her head.

"Yeah, right," he agreed leaning back as far as he could.

"No, no. Not that. I mean, yes that, but not what you're thinking. I like you, Deeks. I really like you, but this is not right."

"Not right?"

Letting out a sigh Kensi pushed the car door open walking towards the mostly empty beach. He had forgotten that they had actually been going somewhere to talk. Taking one last deep breathe he climbed out of the car and followed his partner.

"I think there might be a few too many people to kill me and hide the body," Deeks weakly joked.

"You tried to kiss me," Kensi spoke ignoring him completely.

"I did."

"Why did you try to kiss me?"

"Because I wanted to? Do I have to have a bigger reason?"

"You just told me you weren't sure that you were a part of the team and then you tried to kiss me."

Deeks opened his mouth to argue back only to find the words failing him. She was right. He had tried to kiss her right after saying he didn't belong. It didn't exactly send a good message. Though he wasn't sure what message he was trying to send at all.

"Was it me you wanted to kiss?" Kensi suddenly questioned before he could say anything, "Or… Were you thinking of someone else? Were you thinking of Callen?"

For what felt like the twentieth time that day Deeks felt himself freeze. Alright, so he couldn't say that he was calm, cool, and collected, but he rarely let himself get so lost in his emotions that a few simple words made him freeze up completely.

He was supposed to be better than that. It felt like all of that had gone out of the window. How could he have let Kensi see so deeply into his heart without meaning to? How could she have seen through him after they only knew each other for a year?

"I wasn't thinking of Callen," he finally offered after a moment, "Not fully at least."

"Not fully?" Kensi asked glaring at his, "What does that even mean?"

"I like you, Kensi. I like him too."

"You like him more, don't you?"

"I don't know. I just like him differently than you."

Kensi nodded her head crossing her arms over her chest once more. She didn't look like she understood what he was saying, but she also didn't look like she was able to kill him so he counted it as a good sign. He knew that, on the other hand, didn't give him off the hook though.

"Maybe you should go for him?" Kensi asked sounding as if she was trying to keep the emotions from her voice.

It took a second for the tone to click in Deeks mind. Then he couldn't help feeling like the biggest dick on the planet. He had always thought that she might have feeling for him and… And he had just used them against her. He had used someone that he loved, as more than a lover, but as a best friend.

"Kensi," Deeks muttered moving to rest his hands on her shoulders, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I don't-" Kensi tried shaking her head.

"I used you, Kens. I literally just used you."

"Deeks-"

"I don't expect-"

Before he could finish his sentence Kensi grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss. Letting his eyes slip shut he moved closer so they were pressed together. A part of him wanted nothing more than to feel as if the entire world had shifted because of that kiss.

That wasn't the case though. He wanted so badly for her to be the one that he fell for. Slowly pulling back he looked at his partner and knew that she had felt the exact same way. She looked so disappointed in what had happened.

"You felt that too, huh?" he asked sadly.

"You mean," Kensi started taking a few steps back and laughing sadly, "Nothing?"

"Yeah. That."

"It really wasn't meant to be, was it?"

"No, I guess not."

A sigh fell from Deeks as he ran a hand through his hair. He had no idea what he was supposed to say now. He had spent so much time thinking of what it would be like to kiss her and now that he knew he couldn't help feeling a little disappointed in the way things went down.

"Are you going to talk to Callen?" Kensi questioned moving slightly closer to him once more.

"Kensi," Deeks shook his head.

"Just because it didn't work with us doesn't mean it wouldn't work with the two of you."

"He doesn't even like me."

"What? What are you talking… Is this about that whole 'not belonging' shit you brought up before?"

Shaking his head Deeks moved so he was leaning against the car. He should have known that would be her next question. It made sense, but it lead down a very twisted path that he really never wanted to discuss out loud. He wanted them buried forever.

"Deeks," Kensi practically growled out moving so she was right in front of him, "Tell me what you meant before."

"I don't belong on the team," Deeks admitted staring at the ground.

"What? Of course you belong with us."

"Kensi-"

"No, you listen to me, Martin Deeks. You are my partner and my best friend. You are an amazing detective and undercover cop. You have saved so many people, including every single person on the team. You belong with us."

For a moment he stayed staring at the ground letting her words sink in. He had really thought that he had just ruined their relationship, but she was still herself. She was still his best friend. Blinking back tears he looked up at his partner.

That fierce look at he had come to love was on her face and he couldn't help but the grin that took over. Stepping forward he pulled her into a hug. Strong arms wrapped around his waist her head resting on his shoulder.

"You belong with us," Kensi repeated her voice softer though the tone was just as firm.

"I love you, Kensi,"he offered leaning his head against hers.

"I love you too, Deeks. Now no more of this 'not belonging' thing. Got me?"

"Don't worry. As long as you're my best friend there's no place I'd rather be."


End file.
